And behold a leper came and worshiped Him, saying, “Lord, if you are willing, You can make me clean.” Matthew 8:2
Twelve months ago my husband and I decided to start trying for baby #3. Our first daughter was a surprise {so technically we were pregnant after one month of “trying”} and with our second daughter we were pregnant after just two months of trying. While trying for baby #3 the first and second negative pregnancy tests passed and I didn’t really worry. I thought, “Maybe baby #3 will take three months.” But twelve months in, right around the time you should “officially” start to worry {I guess} I had a breakdown. Someone else I knew of announced their pregnancy and my heart ached thinking, “Wow. Twelve months ago we started trying. We could have been welcoming a new little baby into our home by now. And, I’m still not even pregnant.” I am happy for babies and pregnancies. It wasn’t the fact that this person {a simple acquaintance} was pregnant, it was the fact I wasn’t pregnant. Selfishness at its grandest. Doesn’t God know my desires? Can’t he hear my prayers?
I’ve prayed, wondered and asked God for a baby but it wasn’t until I opened a 30-day Bible study book that God immediately spoke to me through Matthew 8:2,
And behold a leper came and worshiped Him saying, “Lord, if you are willing, You can make me clean.”
The words that stood out to me were “if you are willing.” The leper didn’t come to the Jesus saying, “Okay, I really want this, I’m sick, my family will barely look at me, no one has touched me, not even a simple handshake, I’ve been banned to a colony of forgotten people, and I know you can heal me so, make me clean.” The leper said, “If you are willing Lord.”
And even before the leper made his humble request, he worshiped the Lord. He didn’t say, “Lord, if you’re willing, heal me” and then worshiped the Lord. No, he came and worshiped Him and then requested that if the Lord be willing to make him clean. How many times in my life, in your life, have we come, requested and then worshiped once our prayer was answered? I know the many prayer models; praise & thanksgiving, intercession, petition and confession but sometimes with all my cares and my worries I miss the worship part. I say my thanks to God for all he has done and blessed me so unreservedly with, and I pray for those who are sick and in need, but then I get right on down to my business and I hardly ever say, if you are willing, Lord.
How would it have looked if God wasn’t willing to heal the leper? He knows the state of our heart and I really believe that the Leper did come to worship and knew that the Lord could heal him. He trusted in God. But, what about those times in our lives when our prayers and desires aren’t answered? Are we okay with it if the Lord isn’t willing? How would we respond? Do we worship and thank the Lord only for answered prayers or do we worship in all things, even the hard things? I’ve spent the last nine months praying for a baby but the leper put it into a new perspective for me. If the Lord is willing I know the Lord will heal my body and make it ready to carry a baby, and if he is not willing, if it isn’t his will, then I am at peace with that too.
Infertility is something that affects thousands of couples and while my struggle has been brief, no amount of time, whether it be waiting a few months or over a decade, is easy to deal with. Spending time with family and friends who have struggled months and many, many years the feeling’s are the same; disappointment, sadness, questions of “What’s wrong with me?” frustration, and even anger have been shared with me. A dear relative waited 6 years and finally treatments worked and they welcomed a baby. They struggled another 2 years for their second child. But, what can get us through that? If you’ve struggled I know you’ve heard at some point, “It’s just not God’s time. Be patient.” That’s easy for me to say, I already have two beautiful children, isn’t that enough? But when you’re in the struggle, trying for your first or your fifth child and can turn to God. What has helped me has been total surrender. Lord, if you are willing…
Will you come to the Father in humility, giving God total control over either the yes or the no?…
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What is your burden? This truth is for not only a struggle with infertility but with a marriage; the spouse that you’ve prayed for, for many years to come to know Jesus but is showing no signs of turning to our Father. With finances; how and when will the struggle and stress end? A job, or lack of one; when will god answer the prayer for a job to support your family? With all of life’s needs and wants, how will you come to the Father? In humility, giving God total control over either the yes or the no? I need to work on giving Him 100% control, in all things, the yes and the no.
Friend, do you struggle with giving God total control? In what areas do you need to pray today, “Lord, if you are willing. . .”?
Holly Kallemyn
Holly is a mom to two darling girls, Anna {4 yrs} and Macy {20 mo}, and wife to her wonderful husband, Blake. Holly is a part-time kindergarten teacher and Children’s Ministry Director. In the sacred free time she has, Holly loves starting and sometimes finishing crafts and decorating. Holly has contributed to MOPS Blog, Hello, Dearest! and you can follow Holly on her family blog, thankfullyblessed.com and on Pinterest filled with her favorite crafts and children’s ministry ideas!
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